2021, like all other years that have come before, is going to be filled with its own challenges. It will have new surprises for us, some good, some bad. Just like every year. As for me, I have my usually self-improvement goals and wishes (some I am endlessly working on and never seem to fully master so they live in the realm of ‘wishes’) and a few unusual ones. For the unusual ones, let’s just say I’m getting glimpses of a reality in which I let all things be. Yes, I want to have major superpowers and help save the world; yes, I want to end all human suffering and blow up a few (or many) very stupid ideas and realities, and yes, I most definitely want to see myself rise to new levels of success. But above all things, I want to do the work that is for me to do. I want to master my gifts, and help people that come into my path. These, anyone would say, are so doable. All you have to do is stay committed to your craft and voila!
Yes, we all like to simplify reality this way. Just do it. People that don’t push themselves hard enough are simply lazy. If I can do it, so can you. Far few people take into account the fact that the greatest disabilities that exist on the planet are invisible. They are the soul wounds: those deep, un-seeable, unfathomable, inexplicable, almost un-treatable wounds or types of human suffering that renders the individual incapable of doing a certain thing that the next person finds a breeze. As an artist, I have come up against something I could never wrap my head around, much less successfully explain it to another. It is something that appears right out of the blue and says You shall go no further. No amount of herculean will can overcome it. What is it? Is it a mental block, an emotional block, a spiritual one? Is it a curse? What is it? It doesn’t matter what it is. The real problem is that there is a peak I am aware of and for some reason ascension is prohibited.
I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate my life while here in New Mexico. I have allowed myself to go through the labyrinth and look directly at the minotaur. What is it? I don’t know if you recall this, but in my childhood a lot of people were killed. This created an unknowable terror that continuously lived in the basement of my life. If you can be good enough, maybe the terror will go away. This is what the subconscious mind would deduce/has deduced. Why this? Because we were drilled to be perfect, to read a lot (all cult doctrine), to pray a lot (for horrific things) and to be prepared for the “end of times”. So, you’re telling me, Gab, that all that is blocking you from reaching your peak? Yeah, kind of. Or maybe there’s an angel with a sword right in front of me.
I’m getting the sense that it is a combination of things. It is the subconscious terror and the angel with the sword and maybe something else. How? Here’s the deal. The terror has stopped me from being willing to go all out, do all the art shows and promotions, etc. while the angel with the sword is saying that there is work I have to do before I can proceed. What work would that be? Well, it is about getting out of the way of yourself, learning to trust in God or Life to flow through you and paint what wants to be painted, say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done. No ego allowed.
If you are trying to “prove yourself” because of the endless terrors, what you are actually doing is agreeing with the idea that you are inherently not good enough. Most are unaware of the fact that they are subconsciously agreeing that they must be a success in the way the world could see and accept in order to be able to say, See! I am a valid human after all! And then be allowed into the building where only the worthy can enter. I have suffered from this delusion also. This right here is the problem, not the terrors. Although the terrors in and of themselves are enough. Yet if the angel is smart, he/she won’t let a person pass until they have gotten this figured out.
✦ There is nothing you can do to make yourself unworthy, in fact. ✦
Our world is all effed up in the fact that there are social classes and strata in every circle, in every reality, in every group. In academia, at church, at home, in your social group of friends, at the supermarket, on the sidewalks, in the department store, in the healing circles and the places where people are supposed to become enlightened. It is literally everywhere. If there is any element of you doing something, performing something in order to become eligible for the next social level in your arena, then you are part of the problem that plagues our collective realities. It is this world consciousness that must be eliminated. And I am very happy to start with myself.
So, the way I explain it, my angels knew that this was my commitment and had the brains to stand in front of me until I came face to face with the minotaur and say, enough. ¡Ya Basta! I am not playing this stupid game. Not now. Not ever again.
So in 2021 my goal is to be grounded, unpretentious, do the work that is for me to do and let all other things be as they are. Let’s see what actually happens.