I believe it was 2010 that I realized that I am an empath. I don’t remember how I came to know that, but it was suddenly the thing I needed to learn how to manage. I needed to find a way to process all the energy that I would soak up on a daily basis. I researched online and signed up for a program where they teach empaths to create boundaries and keep their personal energy spaces clean. None of it worked for me. The only thing that helped me was chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, and it is something I still do. It is very powerful! But chanting took so many hours out of my day I could hardly have a life! It has been normal for me to chant at least two hours a day, always in the mornings with coffee. When I first started, though, I was chanting for three, four, five and sometimes six hours before I could let off and do something else. At one point I chanted nine hours non-stop! If you want to know why I chanted so much, I was fighting my way out of the depths of hell which had gripped me during most of my time in Austin since I started my self-healing journey (years 2003-2010). My PTSD was so bad that I could do nothing at all…more on that story later.
Healing my own PTSD and also being the empath-healer for so many other people has been such a burden on me that I could not do much in terms of getting my own life together in the external areas (financial, physical health & fitness, projects, etc.) As I healed myself, though, things in life began to improve. I worked, I finished college, I worked again. Then I discovered Pranic Healing, which has changed everything. As an empath, this is the thing I needed to keep my energy in the good. I am so glad to have stumbled upon it! It has helped me recover myself in ways that I only dreamed of. I have been able to create new and healthy boundaries and quit worrying about so many people that I am not in position to help (or who don’t want/need my help).
I still do a lot of work to help heal others. Those of you who are empaths will know what I am talking about; those of you who are not, might need a little explaining. Being an empath is something you’re born with and is not something you can will away, no matter how much you would like to. You can only manage it. It is like being born with an emotional disability, until you learn to process your energy and keep yourself in the clear, that is. People who are not empaths have a much easier time in the “real world” doing regular day jobs, high-powered professional careers, and all forms of analytical, brainy, hard science stuff. Yet empaths do have their own special superpowers. They are nearly impossible to lie to and know who the ill-willed people are, as well as those who have sketchy energy about themselves. What empaths need to learn, though, is to take good care of themselves, create strong boundaries and let go of all all the suffering they cannot stop/help. They also need to learn to be true to what they know, which is often counter-current to what the world knows.
All this is what I have had to learn in my ongoing spiritual awakening and development. As I create new boundaries and let go of ever more people who I can no longer ‘carry’, I begin to feel lighter, happier and much more free to be me. Here in Colorado, all this has been happening again. I have needed to let go of so much that I didn’t even know I was carrying!
One of the hardest things for me has been to let go of the suffering that others experience. I want to change the world, start a revolution, end all forms of discrimination and hostility against the beautiful soul of humanity, stop animal abuse, and the destruction of our planet. I wish I could do this single-handedly. But I am consistently reminded to let go and let others be. Let it all evolve as it naturally will, and come back to doing the thing that is in front of me. Also, come back to enjoying that which is for me to enjoy. (If you’re not enjoying your life, you cannot fix anything. In fact, you only add to the problem.)
I have been yearning to be out in the deep wilderness since my trip to New Mexico earlier this year. The open desert has spoken to me in a way that I could not ignore and I have been able to get glimpses of it here in Colorado. I had brought my bike and was finally able to go out for a ride. As I rode, I prayed in my heart, and asked for help. Something had been plaguing me for days that I could not shake. Then on the edge of a cliff I sat town to meditate. What is it that I need to know for this moment? What belief or pattern do I need to transform? Then I watched as the images came to my mind. Hidden fears. I did not even know that they existed! It is time to release them. I use the energy-healing tools that I had learned over the years to transform the negative patterns, then watched/sensed them leave my body. I also realized, once again, that I was carrying the dark and heavy energy of someone else that I had not thought to release (from that person and from me). I did the releasing and healing right then and there. Then, still at the edge of the canyon, I did some stretches. Just as the sun was about to set, I felt all the peace, love, high energy and happiness return to my body.
Those of us who are healers, intuitives and empaths know that we have no other choice. We cannot turn our healer selves off. To live happily, we must elevate ourselves to being magical. We must live without suffering while we help heal the suffering of the world. And we must, above all things, drop the guilt–especially that guilt that creeps in and robs our joy just as we are about to sit down and eat our first nourishing soul-meal in a long, long time! We also need to stand up for ourselves and get far away from the crazymakers (those who always have a drama or emergency right when you are about to do something that is strictly for you and your beautiful self). We need to stand in our power, in our knowing, and not let anyone or anything shake us. And if it is us in our corner against a world of opposition, so be it. We will win.