My nickname is Gab. My closest friends and family call me that and I have grown to feel it as an endearing way to call me. So, in speaking of myself halfway in third person, halfway in first person, I decided to write something about my code of conduct, for anyone who would like to know. These are a few things I have crystallized over the years, and some other things I learned by experience, and yet others I learned by being faced with decisions that were hard to make. I learn about myself, what I will do all the time and what I won’t do no matter what. Has nothing to do with someone’s idea of “god” and punishment. Has everything to do with my commitment to being happy and play life at my own rules.
So here goes ~
Gab doesn’t hold grudges. I don’t hold anger against people of my past. Yes, all those people who did horrible things to the ones I love… I’ve released the blackness in my soul that I have had towards them. Some continue to suffer today and their suffering makes me sad. Is there anything I can do?
I try not to hold grudges against more recent incidents. People that judge me piss me off. But what can I do? Aware that the judgement that was remains and shall continue to be and I will sail along smoothly. It’s ok. Let it be.
Gab also doesn’t run around unconscious of other people and their feelings… Doesn’t mean that I’m not bitchy sometimes. Doesn’t mean I don’t get overloaded with stress and blow sometimes. I try not to let that happen, but when it does, I realize I’m carrying to much and it’s time to drop something, or get good rest.
Gab doesn’t abuse the system. I take what I need. I give more than I take–always. Basically, you can’t out-give me. I give in so many ways! I give love, I give hope, I give support, encouragement, leadership, skill, understanding, physical help. I give my friendship loyally. I give my love loyally.
Gab doesn’t live by other people’s rules. I see a large part of social rule as a system that forces people to be cruel to other people for fear of walking outside the accepted lines. If you don’t fit in their social group, the will reject you, talk bad about you, ruin your reputation. This is what I rebel against–and I will never stop! No, you are not going to coerce me to be cruel to anyone, ever. I’ve suffered enough to know what suffering feels like–and what it looks like.
Gab doesn’t sit pretty in other people’s cages. Nope. Never have, never will.
Gab questions reality and accepted truths. Gab questions herself (on a regular basis).
Gab is committed to growing as a human being in the world. Hopefully she will inspire other women who grew up in extremely abusive situations to stand up and fight for themselves.
Gab never betrays. Never. Never. Never. In the Lotus Sutra it says “If you’re killed by an enemy, no problem. If you’re killed by a friend then you will surely sink into hell”. Hell in the Sutra is not the Christian idea of hell where a god outside of you punishes you for bad behavior. Instead, it means the state of being you are in– (hate, anger, bitterness, extreme pain, etc. from having been betrayed). I’ve been there and I wish it on no one! As a matter of fact, nothing in the world can make me betray a friend. No amount of temptation and no great threat.
Gab, while pretending to be Livin la Vida Loca, she prays for random people and they would never know it. I pray in a Buddha way, the kind that sees the great potential in the human being… I pray for people who are hurting. I pray to forgive people who’ve hurt me. That doesn’t mean I’m a religious nut who wants to force everyone to see the pie from my direction. Everyone has their own experiences, or non-experiences, and who am I to know what, why, when, how etc. all this works?
Gab has to always check her attitude! I find I easily become arrogant. I think I know the best way to do anything and everything and tend to be far too opinionated about things when I should be listening to others first.
Gab has to check her motives all the time. Why do I do art? For the glory of it? Do I do it to gain status in the world or become more popular? Do I do it for “being cool” reasons? Why do I want to do this piece? Why am I so stressed out about its outcome? I keep having to sit my giant ego back down on the bench. Right now he doesn’t get to play.
Gab has to remember to quit being a perfectionist and be grateful for all that is already good. Quit being pissed off about the messed up details! And yes, forgive other people’s incessant mistakes. Forgive the unconscious for being that way. They run around hurting people and they are probably totally unaware of it. I need to not focus on them. and keep remembering to be grateful for all that is good!
Gab must, of course, act with love. If you can’t act with love, don’t act at all. Much better to withhold your energy than it is to be a hypocrite.
Gab believes in dressing cute, looking good, staying in shape, eating healthy.
Gab admires beautiful, powerful, sexy woman leaders and wants to be one of them.
Gab gets enough sleep. She doesn’t pressure herself to hurry up and “arrive”.
Gab believes she must “be it” in order to see it, and commits to walking her path in a way to be the change she wants to see in the world. Every day. At every fork in the road.
Gab believes great things can happen.