the way i stayed alive

The way I stayed alive was because of music and dancing.  If you think beauty and art can’t save people, think again! There is nothing else worth fighting for.  I know this from personal experience ~

When you come out of a cult where half of your family was killed, how to you go on living?  People smack you in face and tell you to get over it.  You’re crazy if you dream of music.

But craziness saved my sanity.

I was 22 and majoring in music, singing 3 hours a day, dancing salsa every day, practicing my belly dance moves in the mirror…

and of course, listening to Shakira (before she crossed over)

at full blast in my car.  I wanted to be just like her!  “Ojos Asi” was my all time favorite song.  If it wasn’t Shakira, it was Mana or Marc Anthony or a compilation of all my favorite songs.

I knew, no matter what social pressure I was under I would not give an inch.  I was true to myself down to the craziest bone!

So much has happened that ended up crushing my spirit and making me abandon my music path, one of them was physical illness.  I don’t care how much your defiant spirit insists, if you can’t move, you just can’t move!  When I was so sick that I could hardly leave the house, I dreamed of “coming back” and being that free self I was before, so I made a dream board, a collage with images of people that inspire me or that I dream of being.  Here are a few:

I always knew that I was willing to do whatever it took come come back all the way… I didn’t imagine that it would take so long.  How could I have known it would be so difficult?  I do know one thing after it all ~ I am unbreakable.   I also know that I can say things I couldn’t say before, because now I have lived it.  As an artist and someone who endlessly dreams of changing the world, this last part is the most priceless.  It’s the unearthed diamond I din’t know I was digging out.  I stayed alive because of a dream of music and art,  I never imagined I would have found this.

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